Monster
by HeartsXshadow
Summary: Maybe…just maybe if you tilted your head…maybe there was something there after all. Maybe we were in love-or maybe he was just a monster. ONESHOT, EdwardXSeth, AU


Title: **Monster**  
Category: Books » Twilight  
Author: HeartsXshadow

Hey Everyone! Here's that one-shot I've been promising you! (Well, songfic one-shot). It's named Lady Gaga's "Monster" (I seriously love the woman!). I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, nor do I own "Monster".

Warnings: Rated 'T' for angst. Yaoi/Slash/Homoerotic: Whatever you wanna call it. Don't like? Don't read.

Pairings: Edward/Bella, Edward/Seth…AU

Summary: Maybe…just maybe if you tilted your head…maybe there was something there after all. Maybe we were in love-or maybe he was just a monster.

**/\\**

Was it truly possible? Was I so pathetic? Could I really not see what was going on? Why did I, even for a second, believe that he could love me? Why did I fool myself into thinking it was real? It was so sad, deceiving myself like that…making up excuse after excuse, ignoring to the painful facts. For someone like him!

And yet here I was, standing in the rain…watching _him _go…trying to justify everything-trying to tie up the loose ends. Desperately grasping onto the splitting seems that just barely held us together. Trying to find anything-_anything-_ to hold on to, to keep me grounded.

How could he have just left me?

It was a dream-it must've been. So why couldn't I wake up? I was trying so desperately hard to wake up, to find him there beside me in my-our-bed. Wrapped in his warm embrace, protected from the unforgiving world-where was the warmth? Where was _he_? I shook my head, tiny droplets of rain flying this way and that. It couldn't be real. This couldn't be happening. Not like this!

_Not at all. _I corrected myself, watching as his car lights faded as the distance between us grew and grew. _He'll come back. He always does. _No one would leave someone alone in the rain, right? So close to night…

And as the cold rain started to soak through my clothes, the cold and bitter truth began to sink into my mind.

_He's gone._

Our first encounter replayed so clearly in my mind, each detail that seemed insignificant then-everything was just so damn clear!

_/Flash Back\\_

_It was an evening similar to the one today-rainy and windy, dark and eerie. I clutched my jacket close to my body, trying to shield myself from the overbearing cold. I had always wished I lived closer to the school-but now more than ever. The rain pelted down harder and the gust became more violent, but I persisted. I was already late coming home, and I didn't want my dad to send out the whole police squad looking for me._

_Now would've been a convenient time for a cell phone. This was the exact situation I had told my father about-but he didn't listen. He never really did, come to think of it. No one did. So when water splashed on me from a speeding car (Oh, I was angry alright) I said nothing, did nothing. What was the point? I was surprised, though, when the car came to a stop and a door opened, revealing a very attractive man(He looked to be in his early twenties, maybe still a teen. I found out it was the latter.) with bronze hair and entrancing gold eyes._

_I swallowed hard as I watched him approach me, concern in his eyes. All the anger evaporated. Funny how a pretty face could do that, hmm?_

"_I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have been speeding…I've gone and soaked you to the bones." There was so much sadness in his eyes. "I've even ruined your jacket…"_

"_N-no! It's fine, really, it is. I shouldn't have been walking to close to the road anyway." I shivered as a particularly strong wind gusted by and clutched my now wet jacket closer. "If you don't mind, I really should be on my way home…"_

"_Could I give you a ride? Please? It would put my mind at ease if I could just see to it that you got home safely."_

"_Oh-wouldn't that be too much to ask for?" I asked timidly._

_He gave me a kind smile. "Not at all." He led me to his car-even opened the door for me!-and off we were._

"_Oh! I'm Edward by the way…what's your name?" "…Seth. Seth Clearwater." I shyly smiled at him, and I saw him smirk in response._

"_So, where do you live, Seth?"_

_/End Flash Back\\_

It was stupid to get into a car with a stranger, I know. I should've listened to that stupid old saying. But how was I to ignore such a charmer?

The rain continued to fall down.

Maybe I should've paid more attention to those details. All the warnings-and not the ones I discovered myself…but the warnings around me from everyone else. Maybe, just maybe if I had…I wouldn't be the one standing here all alone.

/_Flash Back\\_

_Jacob wiped the sweat off of his forehead; we had just finished our daily run. He took a gulp of cold water and sighed. He looked over to me, hand placed on his hip. I wasn't used to Jacob being so angry with me…all I did was tell him who I was going out with. I mean, he was fine with my sexuality, he was the first person I told-but it was the fact that Edward Cullen was my boyfriend-_

"_I don't approve." He said again, glaring off into space. "You really shouldn't be with him. He's an ass."_

"_Jacob, please." I looked up into his eyes. He refused to make eye contact, as he knew it would be certain defeat. "He's the first guy I've ever dated-"_

"_And that's exactly why you shouldn't be dating him!" He snarled, gripping my shoulders. "You don't have any idea what kind of person he is!"_

"_And neither do you!" I snapped back. "You don't even know him! Don't you want me to be happy? What, are you still mad that Bella rejected you?" There was silence, and I instantly regretted saying anything. It was a low blow, bringing up Bella. He had liked Bella for so long…and she didn't feel the same way. And right as I was about to apologize, he said:_

"_You're such a stupid fuck, you know that?" He shook his head and walked away. "Oh." He called, not bothering to turn around. "He and I used to Fuck a lot…just to let you know." And after that, I didn't see him around anymore._

_/End Flash Back\\_

That was the first sign…it was foolish to ignore a friends warning…especially when he knew so much about it. But…love makes people blind.

I slowly sank down to my knees, barely acknowledging the puddle of water I was in. If I was lucky, I would dissolve right into it. The memories flooded my mind, breaking down every wall I erected.

Did he ever love me?

I had even confronted Edward, to confirm what Jacob had said…

/_Flashback\\_

_I sat awkwardly at Edwards bed, fiddling with my jacket zipper nervously. It was another cold day…I was invited to stay over at his house due to the storm that devastating most of the city. Daddy dearest didn't care for me any more…not that he did in the first place. After all, what kind of father wanted a gay son? The only reason why he still took care of me was because I wasn't "legal" yet. The second I turned eighteen? Ha. I'd be kicked out for sure._

_I shook my head, clearing the thoughts from my mind. No…I wasn't going to deal with this. Not now. I needed to know the truth…_

"_Edward?" I called out hesitantly._

"_Hmm?" He replied, glancing in my direction. He had one arm against the window, a serene look on his face._

"_A few weeks ago…Jacob told me-"_

"_Ah, of course. Yes…we dated." He gaze shifted back to the window. How could he be so nonchalant about something like this? I bit my lower lip._

"_Um-"_

"_We didn't end our relationship on good terms."_

"_I didn't even know he was…" I trailed off, hurt. Why didn't Jacob tell me that he was gay, or at least interested in guys? Was his break up with Edward so bad that he didn't want any reminder? It didn't matter, I wouldn't ever know._

"…" _He walked over to me and placed a kiss on my lips, effectively shutting off all thoughts._

_/End Flash Back\\_

That was the night I lost my virginity.

Like the rain, the tears kept coming. I was shaking; from the cold and from the hurt. I gripped my chest, my heart…I felt it breaking. It was so heavy…I was sinking. Sinking into a void of hopeless despair. Nothing mattered anymore. I wasn't aware of anything but the pain…I didn't even notice the car screeching-trying to come to a stop.

I was grateful to the physical pain. It provided a distraction from the other hurt-the emotional pain. But only for a second. My breaths came out shallow…darkness was creeping into my vision. And I could only think that I would never see Edward again…

The blood pooled around me. I felt the warm liquid seep into my shirt. My nice new shirt. Edward had bought it for me…_Not this shirt! _I thought frantically. _He'd be so mad to see what I've done to it. _I didn't know where the blood was coming from, my head would've been my guess. I vaguely wondered if my brain was visible.

"No…God, no! SETH!" I heard him call. That voice was so familiar. Who was it again? "SETH!" He called again.

I turned my head to the noise and smiled. "Jacob…How…nice…to see…you…again."

The darkness was still creeping.

I was in Jacobs lap now. He was stroking my hair, talking…the paramedics had been called already. But it didn't matter. I had made up my mind. I smiled up at him.

"At least…you were here…for me…" And even through my blurred vision I could see the pain on his face, the tears streaming down. _Don't cry…it's what I wanted…_

I was dying. In Jacobs arms...my best friend. And instead of comforting him…my mind drifted to Edward. What he had said to me…when we broke up.

_/Flash Back\\_

_I was sitting in the kitchen of my new apartment. My eighteenth birthday came and went, and I was almost homeless-luckily I had a job that paid handsomely, and Edward covered the rest. I didn't find it strange that he didn't want me to move in. After all, a man needed his space, right?_

_The door slowly crept open, and Edward walked in. I smiled at him, but it quickly dropped. The look on his face wasn't the one I was accustomed to. It was so cold, so distant. Maybe he had a hard day of work? Kissing him usually cheered him up, so I was surprised when he turned his head away._

"_What's wrong?" I asked, butterflies in my stomach. I could feel the world starting to bend already._

"…_This can't go on anymore." He was avoiding my eyes._

"_What…?" I asked confused._

"_Seth…It's over."_

_The words didn't register. It didn't make sense to me. I stumbled back and fell into the chair. I could hear the rain pound on the roof. The rain…which had started this all. "I don't understand…"_

"_I've found someone else…Bella. She makes me happy, Seth. Isn't that what you want? My happiness?"_

_I swallowed hard and shook my head. "No…you can't be leaving?" I tried to make eye contact, but to no avail. He just wouldn't… "Edward…I gave up so much to be with you…and you're just going t-"_

"_I didn't ask you to." He said indifferently, sighing. "You shouldn't have assumed this was going to be so long lasting…"_

_I could feel myself hyperventilating. "I'm sorry-"_

"_It's not you, Seth."_

"_Please, isn't there-"_

"_No." The word was so harsh, it shut me up effectively. "I've given this a lot of thought, Seth. It's for the best." He turned around and was out the door, and I followed quickly behind. I was trying to grab onto his arm, to make him stay-but he didn't._

"_Please." I begged, standing on the porch, watching him enter his car. He didn't glance back once._

"_Please." I called again, watching him speed down the street._

_/End Flash Back\\_

I vaguely recalled that Bella rejected Jacob. That must've been why she did…she was interested in Edward. I wondered how long they were seeing each other? _I guess that's why he didn't want to share an apartment with me…_It was all making sense now. Jacob gripped me closer to his chest, crying. I had never seen him cry before. Why did I always have to hurt Jacob? I tried to smile at him, tried to tell him everything was okay. But no words were coming out. I couldn't even hear my breathing; just the gentle beat of my dying heart.

And all I could think about was how much I loved Edward…and if he even cared that I died.

_**/\\**_

Okay, it's done. It was a little sloppy at the end…forgive me! It's pretty sad, I know…I felt bad writing it. Poor Seth! Review, please?


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